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April 01, 2005

The Poker Widow

Posted at April 1, 2005 11:06 AM in Humor , Q&A , by Greedy Gecko.

How do I cope with the loss of my husband to the poker gods? He plays and plays, and the worst part is, he doesn't win. Whatever is a poker widow to do?

Lonely Teacher

Lonely Teacher, I can appreciate the severity of your situation, and truly feel for you. I’m taking off my PokerGreed hat, and getting into my Dr. Phil persona to provide healthy, unbiased advice.

Let’s begin by assessing the loser you have married (here forward called Mr. Schmuck). Mr. Schmuck is devoting an inordinate amount of time to a hobby that is costing your household money. I would be a little more empathetic with the poker player if he was winning, but if he plays as much time as you describe AND hasn’t figured it out by now, things appear hopeless.

Let’s divert our attention to you now, Lonely Teacher. Assuming you are an attractive woman, then this Schmuck of yours is ignoring what is probably the best thing going in his life, and clearly not fulfilling his manly duties. Hence the Schmuck is a loser.

Alternatively, if you look something like this…

then again I shall call the Schmuck a loser for marrying you.

Moving beyond your physical attributes, you are obviously a needy, high-maintenance woman. You really need to consider getting a hobby, instead of being attached at the hip to your husband. You married him, but you didn’t get surgically attached.

I sincerely hope this helped your situation.

The Greedy Gecko "aka Dr. Phil"