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August 22, 2005

Poker Tilt and Bad Beats – Wishing Pain, Suffering and Death on Your Opponents

Posted at August 22, 2005 07:58 AM in Humor , Personal Rants , by Greedy Gecko.

Before we get too deep into this post, I would like to emphasize that I do not condone any form of violence unless required for purposes of self-defense. Additionally, I realize that a large part of generating profits from lower stakes poker lies in capitalizing on the poor play of your opponents, and that given any amount of volume, these brain-dead morons will hand you brutal bad beats. With this in mind, I acknowledge that I’m still an emotional being and experience a fleeting desire for misfortune to fall upon these individuals.

As I described in a previous post, Multi-Tabling – Playing 10 Tables Simultaneously, my style of play allows me to see nearly 600 hands per hour. As a result of such volume, I experience both trials and tribulations and run the full gamut of poker emotions, more than once, on an hourly basis. The most intense emotion, however, has to be the anger and frustration that arises from those brutal beats. One would think that bad beats would just roll off my back when I’m playing so many tables simultaneously, and to a certain extent they do. However, sometimes they just get to you, and in my cartoon-like imagination, I experience the following:

bloody keyboard.gif

Part of the frustration comes not from my loss, but in imagining the underserved joy being felt by my opponent. That they are deriving any form of happiness from their unparalleled stupidity drives me insane. For whatever reason, I always picture this kid as the spokesman and role model for these sub-human poker players:

happy kid.gif

In order to better relieve the short-term emotional charge, and to give these players what they deserve, I propose the following advancements in poker technology:

  • The Crawl-Through Monitor – I believe that I, and only I, should be able to crawl through the monitor in order to yell at, slap, and make the individual feel like the worthless maggot that he/she is.
  • Slapping Technology – In lieu of the aforementioned item, I would settle for the monitor-mounted slapping device. I picture a latex hand attached to the side of the monitor that I can control in order to deliver a hard and accurate strike to the face.
  • The Electric Mouse – Again, a device only controlled by me, that generates a debilitating electric shock to the offending party.

If anyone has these items in development and is looking for an investor, please let me know.

In conclusion I would like to state that while bad beats are a normal occurrence in the game of poker, and I am the bad-beat-perpetrator from time to time, this understanding doesn’t make them any better. If you receive a bad beat from me, you probably deserved it. If you deliver one, then I hope you end up in prison as someone’s bitch, and your wives/daughters all become strippers. Have a nice life…

The Greedy Gecko

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